By Richard Salbato
I was asked by many people to
expand on my last Newsletter, Sins Against Purity Cause Wars. Father
Bart believes we should start a movement within the Church on Purity and
Dating. I love the idea, but personally I am a hermit and too involved
with my own family to organize anything. I will, however, offer
guidelines and suggestions for those teachers and priests who want to
bring Purity and Virginity back to the Church. For over ten years now I
have been writing Newsletters on Moral Theology because more people
today go to Hell for sins against morals than any other reason. Some of
those Newsletters are linked below.
I suppose the most controversial Newsletter I have ever written on Morals is one of the first I ever wrote. It was a result of people asking me why I did not get involved in the Right to Life Marches and Sit-ins that my friends were involved in. Quickly without even thinking I said, “Abortion is not the problem.” At the time I did not even know what I meant by that but I went home and wrote out the answer. That was 10 years ago. Today I tried to find it on my web site, but it disappeared so I re-posted it. Abortion is not the Problem
I’ll try to not repeat anything here that I have already written in the above document but these two Newsletters should be read together. In the Newsletter, Abortion is not the Problem, I make the point that dating is the mother of sins against the flesh in our times. I saw this in confession when I said that I promise to “avoid the mere occasion of sin”. I remembered the movie about Vincent Van Gogh when his friend said, “You paint to fast.” He snapped back: “You look to fast.”
Like most people when I saw that Padre Pio had separate confessions for men and women, even separate rooms, I though he was just a little too old fashioned. When I read that boys and girls never went to the same schools, I thought they were just old fashioned. When I learned about “going out parties”, I just thought they were old fashioned. When I learned about “finishing schools”, I just thought they were old fashioned. I watched old black and white movies from the 50s and 60s and saw that even when in love people never even touched, but thought how old fashioned that was. Perhaps I thought: “Maybe I am looking to fast.
Maybe people back then knew things we have forgotten. Maybe they were the smart ones and we are the stupid ones. Maybe I should investigate why they did what they did and why we do what we do. Maybe we are accepting as moral what is the root of immorality.
Lets look at the problem today of sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, the rise of divorces, the rise of people living together without marriage, the rise of pedophilia, the rise of abortions, and the lack of morals throughout society. Why has sex replaced love? Why is there a rise in frigidity among men and women?
Teaching Sexual Relationships
I teach my grandchildren, 13 years of age to 19 years of age, weekly religion classes. For adults I have structured classes but for teens I just answer questions. In this age bracket they want to know about relationships more than anything else. They want to live in the world but by God’s rules. This is hard. To understand how hard, you have to know the peer pressure and the need to be accepted. I had to first teach them what is natural to our nature and why it is good. God created what is natural for good reasons, but He also gave us the moral law that we might regulate what is natural. When you teach about sex, you must not make it a bad thing, because it is a wonderful and holy thing that God created.
I use the example of soil and dirt. Both are the same thing, but soil is in place used for what God intended. Dirt is soil out of place and not used for what God (nature) intended.
God created man to be attracted to women, and he starts this attraction at a very young age, 8 to 10 years old. Man does not know why but he just likes women. Women start younger because they mature much faster. A woman is sexually mature about 10 years sooner than man is. She is also more sexually aggressive. You are going to disagree with me right now, but I will explain this later.
God designed this in man and women because He said be fruitful and multiply. Even in the animal world it is almost emotionally and physically forced on animals to have sex for the continuation of the species. In the animal world we call this being “in heat” but we fail to see it in humans. We also fail to see the family structure of animals, birds and fish, and we think of family as a man made thing rather than something natural to our nature. When ever we violate what is natural to our nature, we end with a disoriented nature, a sick nature.
God designed woman to mature physically and mentally faster than man, because the nature of man is not so social or loving, whereas woman is both social and loving at an early age. It takes longer for man to mature and to even be able to support a family and wife. Because of this difference I advise both men and women to keep this ten year difference in mind when looking for a wife or husband.
In the old days a woman’s “coming out party” was about when she was 16 years of age. This is when the family invited all the young men to their home (with their parents) to show off their daughter, who was now of age to look for a husband. For the first time in her life she would dance with boys, in front of her parents. Before going to this Coming Out Party, she would go to Finishing School. In this school she would not learn language or math, but how to walk, how to act, how to greet people of different classes, how to eat, and in short, how to be a lady. Men also went to Finishing School but they did not call it that. They learned manors, a trade and manliness, even sometimes how to fight. The boys were also taught dancing and proper dress for different occasions.
Today the average age for women starting their period, and therefore their sexual yearning, is about 12 to 13 instead of 16 years. I think it is because of TV and the promotion of sex in everything we do. The brain affects the body and this exposure to sex causes people to mature physically too soon. I say too soon because mentally they are not ready. The balance of mental and physical maturity is disrupted.
Now I am going to say something that will surprise most people unless you think about it a great deal without looking too fast. Men do not really want sex before they are at least 17 or 18. They do not even want to make out or get too involved with girls other than keeping them company. Boys really want romance but not sex.
The reason we think this is crazy is that boys seem so aggressive today, but this aggressiveness is caused by peer pressure. Boys are made to think they are not men unless they have sex and even press for it. In truth even when pressured by other boys and even the girls, they are hoping the girl says, “No!” Sometimes a girl will even drop a boy who does not want sex. This is true today and common but not true in the past. Because of peer pressure and a lying promotion of open sex on TV, most girls think they are not loved unless the boy at least tries to have sex with them.
This is a huge problem for boys between 12 and 17 years of age because although they are capable of sex they are not ready for it mentally or physically. They feel like they have to do it but often this will cause problems in them that may last the rest of their lives. This might become a hidden dislike for women, or at least disrespect. This mental and physical difference in age of men and women sometimes produces homosexuality in men because they are threatened by women but do not know why. Unlike what you read, homosexuality in American is only ½ of one percent of the people and not 10% but they do not want to admit that they are mentally sick caused from some sexual trauma. This mental sickness borders on the demonic because it so violates nature. It often leads to pedophilia, because sex for nothing but personal satisfaction and not out of love ends up by hating all that is pure. It is even a way of showing hatred for God. The pedophile hates God and everything pure.
Female homosexuals have a different cause. They are not born that way as our “tolerant” society wants you to believe. A woman’s sexuality is more mental than physical and the physical is mostly external and not internal. A man can somewhat enjoy sex even with someone he does not like. But a woman must be somewhat romanced and treated kindly before she really enjoys sex. When she continually has unfulfilled sexual experiences over and over she turns to the person who understands female sexuality, another woman.
“My children might “make out” a little bit but they do not have sex.” This is what some parents say to me but it is bull crap. I have an easier time explaining what is wrong with this to children than I do to adults. Think about the soil and the dirt. God designed the human body perfectly. It get hungry when it is time to eat but it can be trained to only be hungry once a day, like in my case.
God wants married people to have sex because it is good and even wonderful. But their first has to be some stimulation that makes sex possible. God designed the human body in such a way that tender touching and kissing stimulates the body so that it is capable of sex. In the man it even causes the sperm to be generated so that birth is possible. In the woman it lubricates so that sex is possible. This can start by just holding hands.
This is good and even wonderful when two people are married. It is even sacramental and one of the greatest expressions of love there is. However, what happens then when two people stimulate their bodies for sex but then do not have it. The stimulation calms down a little but does not go away. It builds up in the same way that smelling good food over and over and not eating it effects the body. The next day the sexual drive still lingers and might manifest itself in many ways. If this continues it could produce aggressive behavior or even ways to escape the feelings through alcohol or drugs.
This must to be explained so that “making out” is not thought about as innocent or sinless. It is very sinful and is at the root of all sexual sins. This is why un-chaperoned dating is so wrong and the root of sexual sins, the main road to Hell.
Men are voyeurs, meaning that they can be sexually stimulated by visual things. God created man this way for the same reason he created women so beautiful. As the bible says, even the angels are tempted by the beauty of women. Since sexual stimulation without sex causes all kinds of root problems that are all sinful and even mentally harmful, it behooves women to be very careful how they dress or act. This does not mean not to dress for beauty but just not to dress provocatively. It also means that good men should understand that any visual sexual stimulation on TV or the printed media should be avoided for good mental health and good morals. Personally I do not understand why people would even want to watch two people kiss. These things are personal and not any more public than going to the bathroom.
What then is purity? Purity is not sexless although many sacrifice all sex for the Kingdom of God. Married people who have very active sexual lives can be very pure and even saintly. Many married people with lots of children have been canonized as saints. Purity is not dressing in sackcloth. Purity is not avoiding the opposite sex. Purity starts and stops in the brain. Purity is a mental attitude more than a physical compliance. One can do all the right things according to God’s will and law but without being pure of heart, you cannot be called pure.
When you want to obey all the laws of nature and the laws of God because it is the best way to be charitable to yourself, to others and to God, then you can be called pure of heart. This is what it means to love God and others with your heart and soul. Prudish, Victorian people are not pure, they are selfish. The pure of heart wants to give all to God and others using the gifts God gave for good.
This is not the time to talk about this because I want parents and children to read this, but just before marriage men and women should be taught that it is God’s will and the law of love to make sure that your loved one enjoys sex. This might seem obvious but it is a big problem in marriages and does not have to be. I do not think this should be taught until just before marriage because it can lead to sinful thoughts and acts if done too soon.
You would be surprised to know that in some societies in the Middle East and Africa they castrate women because they do not believe women should enjoy six. This is also a sin against nature and God, because God designed sex as an expression of love, joy and pleasure. It is a lack of love when someone does not care if the other does not have this joy and pleasure. I will not talk more on this, but those who want information on this can email me.
Our Lady of America calls all Americans to purity. Our Lady of Nicaragua predicts World War III. The two apparitions go hand in hand, because there will be a World War III and if America changes her ways regarding sex and abortion, we can escape the brunt of this war and even lead the world back to peace. The main recruiting tool of Radical Moslems is the moral corruption of the west. Let us take that tool out of their hands, and put God on our side. Let us also take the tool of justice out of God’s hand by ending the root cause of abortion, dating and free sex.
Stop un-chaperoned dating.
Pray an Our Father now for reparation for the sins committed because of Francis's Amoris Laetitia.